Caution

                                     The other day I was reading a post someone had shared on Facebook (how many times have you heard that this week? Just admit it Facebook is so factual it educates you more than the television could so don't look at me like that). The post was called something along the lines of "12 things you should know if you love a person with Anxiety".


        I've read a lot of articles similar to this one and I will probably share them with you. There are always similarities between them but this one had a couple great points of what NOT to do when said loved one is in the midst of a panic attack.
      Mind you, this is not just copying what they said and taking credit for it but I was reminded of how important it is to educate people on at least what NOT to do. How much of a difference it would have been for myself and my relationships if those around me had been educated!
 


 A   "People with anxiety know their anxiety doesn’t always make sense. That’s what makes it so difficult. Explaining there’s nothing to worry about or they should 'get over it' won’t mean anything – it just won’t – because they already know this."
             Let me share a story with you:  One Tuesday, a couple years ago, in October (my anxiety is at its climax in Fall/Winter) my anxiety was acting up all day while at school. Side note - Every Tuesday there was Soccer practice that I would watch, not because I was a creep but because I wanted to be on the Soccer team and Coach wanted me on the team but because of my anxiety and the job I had at the time I would only be able to attend practices but not games. After the long day at school that dragged on because of constant rituals to distract myself of my anxiousness and only being able to pay attention to 30% of class, I asked if my best friend would come to practice with me so that I wouldn't be driving alone (my most intense panic attacks happened in the car). For the past couple of weeks I would talk to someone on the phone while driving which quite frankly saved my life and others. I figured having her in the car would help calm me and avoid having to call anyone. I hadn't even started the car and I sat there in front of the wheel freaking out. She starred at me clueless as what to do and told me to do what I usually do in the situation so I picked my phone up and chose one of the usual contestants for comforting me (I tried to rotate them so that I would be less annoying to each of them). The chosen one answered and I told them the usual facts - like they didn't already know, silly me. Their response would be something that was engraved in my head  and would change the way I looked at them until this day. "Kenzie, there has to be some point where you stop this. You have to just look at it and decide to get over it."  
                        This might seem like a reasonable response, right? I know that it sounds dramatic but that being said to someone who already feels terrible about something they cant help is devastating and effects someone with anxiety issues negatively. We wish we could just take it and erase it, its no fun to deal with and its a part of us that we feel we have no control over and for someone to remind us of this especially in the timing of which it was said to me, that scars someone!
          




B "Don’t try to change them.You’ll want to give advice. But don’t. Let them know that to you, they’re absolutely fine the way they are and that you don’t need to change them or fix them. "
            Not every Anxiety is the same, but one thing that is constant in every situation is the person feels like they are a complete burden because of the struggle they face and that they "ruin" things. They have this constant replay of "if I didn't have anxiety then the day would've gone like this..." I promise you that.
    Myself, I would always have to question others. "Hey are you sure you want me to come along? what if we have to leave in the middle of the movie..?" "Hey I don't have to come along, I am sure it would be more fun without me." "I don't have to call you anymore, you can tell me when to stop and I will stop." "Is it okay if I come to you if I can't breathe? I don't want you to panic or feel responsible."
                You don't have to feel responsible for their problems but please please PLEASEE! Do not EVER tell them that one day they will be "fixed". That word is like a stab straight to the heart! They are not broken.  
 Those questions I would ask were my test to see if that person saw me as different or not. When I knew they would rather not be around me because of my problem, I tried to stay far from them because they saw me as a burden - Something that was incorrect or broken that needed to be fixed.

                        && just a small tip; If someone trusts you enough to tell you in depth about their anxiety and to come to you for rescue, they really truly trust you and that in itself is a huge step and means a lot.




                                                           XOXOXO Love you all!